Ong Yu Ting

You were my first love.. Maybe love isnt the right word to use here.. More like obsession. I recently removed you from my facebook friends list, in the hopes that i would be able to forget you finally. The day after that, i see you at the coffee shop near our place. Is it not bad enough that i live near you? And day after day, i walk past your house.. hoping to see you? I know i can get off at the next stop, i know i sound like a stalker, but i dont care. Cause that is how i really feel.

 When i first heard this phrase: "Everyone has masks that we hide behind to conceal our real feelings." I felt that it best described me. I always wore a mask when i go out. I always hide behind a fake persona so that others wouldnt be able to know the real me. I have kept myself the way i was in primary school, all throughout my life.. TILL NOW. Because im afraid that once i lose this persona, i would lose you..

In actual fact, i dont know whether i love you, have a crush on you, or just obsessed over you. Everyday.. i just wish to see you, maybe just to catch a glimpse of you, no matter how short. And today.. i did. You had that frown you always had in primary school. I know that frown so well.. It was just like yesterday that i saw it.. It was the kind of frown that i wanted to erase from your face. I wanted to make you smile so bad. Then i remembered.. I was the cause of it. I was the cause of all your frowns in primary school. I have carried this burden with me since then till now. Cause i cannot let you go. If i did, i would forget about you. And even though i want to. Another part of me just wants to keep it forever. So as to never forget you.

When i first heard that you had a boyfriend.. My heart stopped beating. For a short while, i could feel the emptiness in my heart.. A huge gaping hole that can never be filled. I cant use words to describe the feeling.. Of emptiness.. Of lost.. Of loneliness.. Only people who have had lost loves understand what i was feeling.
After awhile i thought.. that isnt so bad. maybe it could help me get over you.

It didnt.

I lay up awake at night thinking and replaying everything i ever did to you in the short time we were together in primary school. And it was full of 'if onlys' If only i had treated you better.. If only i had not done this.. If only i had not done that. I dont even know for a fact whether you liked me or not. It was only just a rumor. If only i could confirm it..

Recently.. i saw a relationship notification from you. from "In a relationship" to its complicated. I thought.. It must be ending. One part of me was jumping up and down with joy, another part of me cursed the other part of me for thinking like this. I know i should be concerned that your relationship is on the rocks. But i couldnt. i was happy. Then i saw the new facebook picture. It was like a stab through my already dead heart. "Adding salt to the wound" some might say.

Not a day goes by that i do not have at least one thought about you. This is how bad it is for me. Some times i still dream of you. at least twice a week. Now its up to 3-4. Depends on how much i think about you. I feel like an empty shell when that happens.. cause i know that.. i can never apologise to you enough for what i did. I'll never get a chance. And i will live with that fact cause it means that i will never forget about you.

Quiz

So I just took a personality quiz, and im pretty shocked by the results.
This is the questions in the order:
1)You walk in a forest, what is the first animal you see?
Wolf.
2)What is the second animal you see in the forest?
Owl.
3)You come to a house, do you go in straight? or take a look around first?
Take a look around.
4)Inside the house is a table, is it round or square?
round
5)How many chairs around the table?
23
6)On the table is a glass, what material is made of? glass, ceramic, porcelain, wood( choices i heard)
glass
7)You pour water into the cup, how much do you pour? (can be percent)
75%
8)You come out of the house, you see a waterfall, what is the speed on a scale of 1 to 10?
10
1)What it means: The first animal is what you see yourself as.

2)What it means: What you see your life partner as.

3)What it means: Go in straight, very nosy. Other is not.
4)Round: Alot of problems, square: Clean life nothing done wrong.

5)Number of chairs is the number of real friends you have in real life.

6)glass: material of cup is how you handle break ups.
7)answer is the amount of effort you put in a relationship.
8)This is to calculate your sex drive.


So yeah, take the quiz, but dont see the answers first, see how true this personality quiz is for you. Im really upset right now, cause i have this tendency to look at things from my point of view alot, so I can actually feel like this quiz is real, and that really made me feel upset right now.

Weekends..

Recently been really busy with all my project and such. So its been really difficult for me to get anything done. Going to start studying soon since exams are round the corner. Gonna make sure that i can get the course that i wanna do, which will be all about digital media games. (something like that)

So of course, im gonna upload my this week's vlog, and youtube screws me up by making my power director unable to connect to them. Bloody google, dont know what the hell they are doing.

Well, thats all for today, gonna go play wow for awhile before trying to upload again, until next time keep on DOING YOUR MUM!!

Rants..

Im sort of wondering whether i shuld juz do it and rant bout the immigrants in singapore.. If i do it will most definitely be in the form of a vlog.. Girls.. studies.. relationships.. friendships.. trust.. maybe i can do 1 of this as well.. Definitely shuld be sleeping.. but i juz cant.. lol dang it..

New Vlog

I said it once and i'll say it as many times as it takes to get it through your thick skull if u came here. You wana look at blogs? Wrong place. You wana look at vlogs? come to my youtube channel!!
This is the link----> http://www.youtube.com/user/TemasekVlog
Make sure you check it out. Rate comment and subscribe if you liked it!!

Intro

Hey guys i deleted my google account accidentally. That mins my blackgrimreaper account is going to be unreachable now. So i will post all new blogs on this account and all vlogs on youtube.
My new youtube channel is called TemasekVlog. My homepage link is in the sidebar.

I promise you in the new year of 2010 im gonna blog more and vlog more so i hope tat u people will enjoy it as much as i do.

Dun forget to rate, comment and subscribe!!